A couple days ago, I shared about the last "last call" in Nashville and the moment I finally faced the truth I already knew for years…that alcohol did not belong in my life.
But what I want to share today is something deeper, something you might recognize in your own heart - that space between knowing you need to change and actually changing.
Because real change? It doesn't happen in a single moment. It builds like a whisper, getting louder and louder until we can't ignore it anymore.
As I went through my journals, a painful pattern emerged…Year after year, the same whispers of knowing, the same self-shaming, the same question...How could I let it happen... again?"
10.27.16: "The peace & excitement I was feeling about life now has this constant ache of guilt & regret... Like I don't deserve what I was working for anymore because I was so stupid to let this happen again. Why would I do that? See self sabotage. I mean how stupid can I be."
6.20.17: "I've gotten into a slump. Doing my same ol bad behaviors... I seriously drive myself crazy! Why can't I just stop drinking if I know I can't handle it or control it? It's been on my mind so much and I can't escape it. I truly know in my heart if I can quit then my life will flourish."
4.10.18: "I've made a commitment to just be better today... I'll be damned if I spend another year writing in this journal about how awful I feel because I got drunk! I want to be a better coach. A better mom, a better daughter. A better girlfriend, and I want to be the best version of me.”
Can you relate? That inner critic that beats us up for not being "stronger," for not saying no, for not being able to "just stop”... that cycle of promise and disappointment, of knowing better but ending up back in the same place.
It's not because we're weak. It's not because we don't want it enough. Sometimes the hardest truth to accept is that we can't think our way out of a pattern we're living our way into.
I knew if I had any shot at real change, I'd have to do more than just stop drinking – I'd have to walk away from the entire life I had grown around it.
2.16.20 ”I’ve realized that I'm really starting to not like alcohol. But it still has a hold on me. I think I am better off without it, but am I 100% ready? I want to find the strength to have a very difficult conversation. I know what it is I want in life and I want to be strong enough to go after it. To not let anything or anyone stop me. I know this is my time."
That journal entry became my turning point. I made the hardest decision of my life...leaving behind a relationship with someone I loved, the comfort of home, and the only way of living I had ever known.
With nothing but faith guiding me, I packed up a U-Haul and pointed it toward California—driving straight into an unknown future… praying with every mile that I was hearing my soul's call correctly.
|
|
In this first episode of our 4-Part GLOW Freedom Series, I share how this deep knowing became the foundation for my massive leap.
Because sometimes the truth we've been avoiding isn't just holding us back - it's keeping us from everything we're meant to be.
Watch Episode 1: Breaking Free From Alcohol: The Story I've Never Shared
|
 |
|
Responses